The list for May 2, 1997
The Top 15 Signs You Have a Gambling Problem
- Your attempt to sweet-talk your wife by comparing her eyes to "two oranges and a cherry" fails dismally.
- Who knew you’d lose your shirt betting Bruce would go bald before Demi?
- It’s not that you bet on the Australians to win; it’s that you bet on the America’s Cup in the first place!
- You wagered against Ellen being gay…
Double or nothing on Wolfe Blitzer!
- Ceasar’s Palace sends a limo to pick you up — and you live in Rushville, Indiana.
- Although uncredited, you were in more scenes of "Leaving Las Vegas" than Nicolas Cage.
- Strong desire to have sex with Keith Richards and/or Courtney Love.
- Every night during "Wheel of Fortune," you scream, "Screw the vowels, spin the damn wheel!!"
- You bet "yes" on whether or not your suicide attempt will be successful.
- Every year you have to get a goofy haircut because you lose the bet about being elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame.
- You’re the proud inventor of a do-it-yourself gold filling extractor.
- When your 12-year old complains about conditions in the mines you snap back, "Try slaving over a hot craps table all day, kid!"
- That stack of lottery tickets in your shirt pocket is thick enough to stop a bullet.
- Donald’s newest casino: The Trump Taj MaLarry. Your name: Larry.
And the Number 1 Sign You Have a Gambling Problem…
- When someone spins a lazy Susan, you slap a C-note on the counter and yell, "Creamed corn, baby, come on!"
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CREDITS
Selected from 103 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1 (8th #1)
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — 2
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 3, 15
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 4
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 5, 14
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 6
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 7 (Hall of Famer)
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 8 (Hall of Famer)
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 9
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 10
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 11
- Bob Mader, Knoxville TN — 12
- Jesse Garon, San Francisco, CA — 13
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — Topic
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
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