Signs You Forgot Someone On Secretaries Day

The list for April 23, 1997
The Top 15 Signs You Forgot
Someone On Secretaries Day

  1. Phone messages delivered on end of spear.

  2. Your important dictation somehow seems to blah blah blah i am a slavedriving cheapskate.

  3. A copy of the latest bestseller "So, Your Head’s Up Your Ass, Now What?" appears on your desk.

  4. When did FTD start doing an "Up Yours" Bouquet?

  5. First, a message that Cindy Crawford is on line 1, followed a few seconds later by Satanic laughter.

  6. It’s not so much the cold coffee, it’s the staples at the bottom of the cup.

  7. Your big business dinner at the Four Seasons Restaurant in Manhattan is rescheduled for Big Jeb’s 24-Hour Truck Stop outside of Newark.

  8. Nude picture of Marlon Brando pops up in your Powerpoint presentation.

  9. Supposedly shredded Whitewater documents turn up in the Washington Post cafeteria.

  10. Now answers the phone, "Smith, Jones and Tightass."

  11. That NY-to-LA trip she booked for you now involves six plane changes, a 12-hour layover in Guam and a personal appearance on Ricki Lake’s "I’m A Selfish Pig" episode.

  12. Newly-typed org chart lists your position as "Head Up His Ass."

  13. Your computer’s mouse has been replaced by an electro-genital shock device.

  14. While admittedly funnier than usual, daily Top 5 list she forwards you contains 15 identical "You suck!" entries.
And the Number 1 Sign You Forgot Someone On Secretaries Day…

  1. Expense report you don’t recall submitting comes back with denied charges for "beer & hookers."
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CREDITS
Selected from 102 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Canada — 1 (3rd #1)
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 2
  • Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC — 3
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 4
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 5 (Hall of Famer)
  • Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 5
  • Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 5
  • Don Horton, Sacramento, CA — 6
  • Ward Bahner, Kansas City, MO — 7, 15
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 7
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 8, Topic
  • Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 8
  • Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 9
  • Brad Schreiber, Los Angeles, CA — 10
  • Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 11
  • George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 12
  • Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 14
  • Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — Runners Up list name
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
T5042397

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