The list for June 2, 1997
The Top 15 Signs You Drank
Too Much This Weekend
Too Much This Weekend
- You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile.
- Friends armed with fire extinguishers stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.
- Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.
- Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.
- For some reason, there’s salt on the rim of your basketball goal.
- Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea’s pancakes.
- For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could’ve bought the car.
- You’re now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.
- Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.
- Absolut wants to run an add featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.
- Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, "Hey, it’s VomitMan!"
- The doorman asks for you I.D. just to see how long it’ll take you to find your pants.
- Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.
- Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.
And the Number 1 Sign You Drank Too Much This Weekend…
- You’re now sober enough to realize "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal challenge.
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CREDITS
Selected from 137 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Martell Stroup, Reno, NV — 1 (1st #1!)
- Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 2, Topic
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 3
- Paul Lara, Temple, TX — 4
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 5
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 6
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 7
- Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA — 8
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 8
- Jim Key, Garland, TX — 9
- Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 10
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 10
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 11
- Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI — 12
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 13
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 14
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 15
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
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