The list for September 11, 1998
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
"So waddya do in the way of Internet humour in these parts?"
the tall stranger drawled. A collective gasp was heard.
A dog barked off in the distance. Everyone in the saloon
slowly turned as they waited for the response from Rob Wells,
today’s guest editor from Paris, France. He eyed the stranger
warily, then slugged back a shot of rotgut whiskey, kicked his
boots up on the poker table, tilted his Stetson back, and said…
the tall stranger drawled. A collective gasp was heard.
A dog barked off in the distance. Everyone in the saloon
slowly turned as they waited for the response from Rob Wells,
today’s guest editor from Paris, France. He eyed the stranger
warily, then slugged back a shot of rotgut whiskey, kicked his
boots up on the poker table, tilted his Stetson back, and said…
Top 13 Signs the Opposite
Sex Is Repelled by You
Sex Is Repelled by You
- Your bra strap is constantly getting snagged in back hair.
- British accent? Check.
British sports car? Check.
Austin Powers teeth? Uhh! Not groovy!
- Dorky glasses? Check.
Five-dollar hairdo? Check.
Multibillion-dollar software fortune? Uh-oh…
- You look simply smashing in your tailor-made XXXXL Starfleet uniform.
- Viagra has copyrighted your image, including it with each prescription, as "The Anti-Coronary Emergency Antidote."
- The last time anyone said "Yes" to you, your question was, "You want fries with that?"
- Your prom date was a sock puppet.
- Even the ewes in the north forty have been acting stand-offish, of late.
- Men tell you they think of you during sex, and that it works better than baseball scores!
- Rather than spend two weeks with you in some hoity-toity East Coast resort town, your husband would rather get involved in a relationship that starts with a cigar and some oral sex and eventually progresses to missile attacks in two co
- Always firing warning shots into your groin.
- Didn’t anyone ever explain that pus is NOT an acceptable substitute for KY Jelly?
And the Number 1 Sign the Opposite Sex Is Repelled by You…
- No matter what *you* think, Chester, "front or back" makes a big difference to the old "rolled up sock it in the pants" trick.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 97 submissions from 37 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 1, 12 (9th #1)
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 2 (Hall of Famer)
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 3
- Michelle Burke, San Francisco, CA — 4
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 4, 7
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 5 (Hall of Famer)
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 6 (Hall of Famer)
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 8
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 9 (Hall of Famer)
- Matt Siske, Dayton, OH — 9, Banner Tag
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 10, 13
- Peter Rogers, Boston, MA — 11
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA — Topic (Hall of Famer)
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — Runner Up List Name
- Rob Wells, Paris, France — Guest Editor
- Cristiano Biancolino, Venice, Italy — List owner/editor
- Meatloaf, Cleveland, OH — Ambience
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