The list for August 28, 1997
The Top 15 Signs the Ice Cream
Truck Driver is Nuts
Truck Driver is Nuts
- To balance the yin of Good Humor, offers the yang from frozen Bile on a Stick.
- Number of kills clearly marked on the side of his truck.
- He’s paranoid because he’s “always being followed by someone disguised as little children.”
- His route takes him down your street at precisely 3:30 am every morning.
- Comes to work wearing only a strategically placed waffle cone.
- All the flavors have the word “Opossum” somewhere in their titles.
- Happy calliope music replaced with Mozart’s “Requiem.”
- Offers three flavors: Chocolate, Vanilla, and Sacred Blood of the Martyrs.
- Popsicles, Creamsicles, Fudgesicles — sure. Spleensicles? Never heard of ‘em!
- “Little Mr. Softee” always making surprise appearances.
- Every time you get close to his truck he guns it and laughs while yelling, “Maybe next time, Lardass!”
- On Tuesdays, drives backwards and demands ice cream from little kids.
- Ice cream sandwiches come with alfalfa sprouts, dijon mustard and a pickle.
- “Ice cream! Get your… HEY, YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY TRUCK! …Ice cream, get your ice cream!…”
And the Number 1 Sign the Ice Cream Truck Driver is Nuts…
- Likes Jerry, but says Ben is “a real turd.”
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CREDITS
Selected from 97 submissions from 37 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 1 (11th #1)
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 2
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 3
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 3
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 4
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 5
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 6
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 7
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 8, 12
- Martell Stroup, Reno, NV — 9
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 10
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 11
- Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 13
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 13
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 14 (Rookie!)
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 15
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — Topic
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — Banner tag
- David Lee Roth, Las Vegas, NV — Ambience
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