Signs Someone at Work Is Out to Get You

The list for May 8, 1998
The Top 16 Signs Someone
at Work Is Out to Get You

  1. The Human Resources rep keeps advising you to apply for extra dismemberment insurance.

  2. The guy from shipping says they have to store some toxic waste in your office for “just a couple days.” Your company, however, makes doilies.

  3. Someone’s been signing you up for the office blood drive. Daily.

  4. Everyone else gets e-mail. You get “note-wrapped-around-a-brick-speeding-at-your-head-mail.”

  5. That “one free pantsdrop” rule is just one way of looking at the Paula Jones case — not a new law, like Larry said.

  6. New job position posted: “Vice-President of My Butt” Only applicant: You

  7. Co-workers point and whisper that you’re the one who ate the “Bagel O’ Death.”

  8. Somebody went to the trouble of making a little Hitler mustache and swastika armband for your Dilbert doll.

  9. You’re honored to be in the “South Park” skit at the office party, but why does everyone insist you play the part of Kenny?

  10. The sign on your office door, “Section Head, Information Technology, Hardware Engineering And Design”, has been replaced with an acronym.

  11. The pushy new Pastry Cart man looks an awful lot like that Kevorkian guy.

  12. Your position’s symbol on the organizational chart now shows up as a hanging stick figure.

  13. During your diversity training, someone announces on the intercom that “the cleaners are here with your Grand Wizard outfit.”

  14. Your name is spelled out in urinal cakes in the men’s room trough.

  15. Oh, come on — it’s not like your new Windows 98 operating system just keeps crashing by itself!
And the Number 1 Sign Someone at Work Is Out to Get You…

  1. “Crap piling up on your desk” is no longer just an expression.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 83 submissions from 30 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 1 (6th #1)
  • David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 2, Banner Tag
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 3
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY — 4, 14
  • Martell Stroup, Boston, MA — 5, 13
  • Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 6 /
  • Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 7
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 8, RU List Name
  • Annie Fisher, Philadelphia, PA — 9
  • Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 10
  • Jay Allen, Long Beach, CA — 11
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 12
  • Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 15
  • Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — 16
  • Brendan Ross, Denver, CO — Topic
  • Selena, Corpus Christi, TX — Ambience
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