The list for April 30, 1998
The Top 16 Signs of Trouble
During Your Final Exam
During Your Final Exam
- In the hope of extra credit, you color in the center of every e, o, p, q, d and b in different jaunty colours.
- Teacher enters room to the sound of the SNAP of a latex glove.
- You’re naked, you can’t find the room, you don’t know the subject and pinching yourself is starting to leave welts.
- The BAD news: Your Blue Book has no trig calculations at all. The GOOD news: It says your ’83 Honda Civic is worth over $750.
- Crammed all night for French History, but today’s final is actually Chemistry, and "Napolium" isn’t really an element.
- Even though you’re female, 5′ 2", and weigh 105 lbs, the instructor takes one glance at your paper and asks if you’re on the varsity football team.
- Your teacher keeps interrupting with requests to have another baby with you.
- Either (a) you’re still feeling the effects of those ‘shrooms; or (b) Cindy Crawford is sitting across from you, wearing only a black leather apron and stiletto heels.
- Although sounding good then, your plan to bong hit your way back through time didn’t quite work.
- The Good News: You just successfully regurgitated everything you studied into your Blue Book. The Bad News: The only thing you studied last night was beer and pizza.
- During your oral exam, Professor Trebek keeps screaming, "No! You didn’t answer in the form of a QUESTION!"
- The guy you’ve been copying from just shot himself.
- After wiping your sweaty brow with your palm, you are now the unwitting owner have of one very inky forehead.
- All your carefully written crib notes are now completely obscured due to last night’s drunken Mehndi session.
- Getting "Breakfast at Tiffany’s" out of your head by humming "The Girl from Ipanema" all morning *seemed* like a good idea at the time.
And the Number 1 Sign of Trouble During Your Final Exam…
- Thanks to your dog, *all* of the pencils in your book bag are "Number 2" pencils.
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CREDITS
Selected from 121 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 1 (2nd #1)
- Aaron Bloom, Boston, MA — 2
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 3, 14
- Chris Gleason, Gaithersburg, MD — 4, 12
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 4, Banner Tag
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 4
- Don Horton, Sacramento, CA — 5
- Josh Fruhlinger, Oakland, CA — 6
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 7
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 8
- Marshal Perlman, Minneapolis, MN — 9
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 9
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 10
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 11
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 13
- Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 13, 14
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 13
- Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA — 14
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 14
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 15
- Lisa Oliver, London,, England — 16
- Chester Wickstaff, Sugar Land, TX — Topic
- Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — RU list name
- Bill Lazar, ??? — Ambience suggestion
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
- Little Steven, Voice of America — Ambience
T5043098
