Signs Martha Stewart Planned Your Tailgate Party

The list for January 23, 1998
The Top 15 Signs Martha Stewart
Planned Your Tailgate Party

  1. Your buddy Hal’s puke has a parsley sprig garnish.

  2. Every brewski served with a little paper umbrella.

  3. Festive doilies made from old Ace bandages — *and* they protect the finish on your RV.

  4. Asking what the spread is gets you recipe for goose liver pate.

  5. Each guest gets own pig and tanning instructions to make their own football.

  6. On the menu: Frommage de Tete!

  7. Life-size potato salad sculpture of John Elway is so tasty, Reggie White eats an entire leg.

  8. "Hot wings" are all attached to angel figurines.

  9. "Dammit! I dipped my low-salt, blue corn, tortilla chip in the friggin’ potpourri again!"

  10. Helmet-shaped bean dip bowl smells suspiciously of Ben-Gay.

  11. "Bud Bowl" played with porcelain Hummel Figures.

  12. Needlepoint doilies beneath barf buckets.

  13. Everywhere you look, well dressed white folk sipping Bud Dry from conch shells.

  14. Big-ass doily under the keg.
And the Number 1 Sign Martha Stewart Planned Your Tailgate Party…

  1. Mango-ginger truffles in sight: 175. Twinkies in sight: 0.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 89 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Bo Williams, Huntsville, AL — 1 (1st #1!)
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 2
  • Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 3, 9
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 4, 5, 10
  • Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 4
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 4
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 4
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 6, 13
  • Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA — 7, 8
  • David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 9
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 11
  • Denis Rubin, Los Angeles, CA — 12
  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 13
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 14
  • Jennifer Markes, West Hollywood, CA — 15
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — Topic
  • Larry Mills, Oneonta, NY — Banner Tag
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
  • The Beatles, Liverpool, England — Ambience
T5012398

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