The list for October 15, 1996
The Top 15 Signs Madonna Is Giving Birth Nearby
- Sean Penn stops by hospital to drop off flowers and punch out a few paparazzi.
- Those orderlies next door look suspiciously like Chippendale guys.
- Studded leather baby clothes suddenly appear in hospital gift shop.
- Nurses all wearing underwear on outside of scrubs.
- NBA players gathering outside to observe a moment of silence.
- Thousands of likely suspects line up outside of hospital to take the official paternity bloodtest.
- No vacancy at Holiday Inn, Motel 6, or Super8, but three wise men with small herd of farm animals voguing up a storm outside your old garage.
- A pregnant woman wearing sunglasses, a baseball hat, and a cone bra offers you a cool million if you would deliver her baby behind a rock in Central Park and keep your mouth shut.
- The HardCopyMobile punches a hole in your living room wall by mistake.
- Doctors lining up for their turn at spanking the mother.
- You spot Dennis Rodman dressed as a mid-wife.
- Blood-curdling screams of the Umbilical Girl heard for miles as she discovers that the baby’s head is now damn near as big as her own.
- A drunken Sandra Bernhard hands you a cigar.
- Two words: Dilation Echo
And the Number 1 Sign Madonna Is Giving Birth Nearby…
- MTV crew shows up to tape the “Madonna Unplugged” special.
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CREDITS
Selected from 101 submissions by 31 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 1, Topic (3rd #1)
- Peg Warner, Derry, NH — 1 (1st #1!)
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 2
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 3
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 4, 15
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 5
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 6
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 7
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 8, 11
- Kathleen Buchanan, Tuscaloosa, AL — 9
- Marshal Perlman, Minneapolis, MN — 10
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 11
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 11
- Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR — 11
- Stephen Pace, Houston, TX — 11
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 11
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 12
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 13
- Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 13
- Sterling Smith, Houston, TX — 14
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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