Signs Leonardo DiCaprio Is Not Your Prom Date

The list for May 14, 1998
The Top 16 Signs Leonardo DiCaprio
Is Not Your Prom Date

  1. He gets seasick just by looking at the "Titanic" theme decorations in the gymnasium.

  2. DiCaprio: Sketched Kate Winslet nude on the Titanic.
    Your date: Whipped out a camcorder in a cheap hotel room.

  3. Him: Star of "Titanic"
    You: Merely titanic

  4. When *he* shouts "I’m the king of the world!!" it’s because he finally found a parking place for the only boat *he’s* associated with: his dad’s ’77 Lincoln Town Car.

  5. He’s the king of the water fountain next to the bike rack.

  6. Leonardo: Annoyed by paparazzi in his face.
    Your date: Annoyed by pepperoni on his face.

  7. Leo: People’s "50 Most Beautiful" coverboy.
    Your date: Write-in candidate Bill Muse.

  8. Leo has swarms of beautiful young girls all around him, but your date is swarmed only by common houseflies.

  9. By odd coincidence, your bouquet is exactly the same kind of flower that grows in your ditch.

  10. Claims he only put on those 300 lb. so he could get the lead role in "The Chris Farley Story."

  11. When you offer to pose naked for a sketch, he insists you wear an "Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Star Trek" T-shirt instead.

  12. Leo’s Mask? Iron.
    Your date’s mask? Leather with a zipper mouth.

  13. Leo’s tux by Oscar de la Renta.
    Your date’s tux by Oscar de la Meyer.

  14. The only thing "titanic" about him is his libidinous desire to see *your* stern up in the air.

  15. Sure, he boycotted the Oscars and he looks hot in his tux, but Leo don’t drive no Geo.
And the Number 1 Sign Leonardo DiCaprio Is Not Your Prom Date…

  1. That Titanic zit on his nose makes dancing cheek-to-cheek a dicey proposition at best.
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CREDITS
Selected from 119 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 1 (16th #1)
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 1, 15 (9th #1)
  • Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI — 2
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 2
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 3
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 4
  • Matt Chaput, Calgary, Alberta, Canada — 5 (Rookie!)
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 6
  • Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 7
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 7
  • Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 8
  • Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA — 9
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 10, 15
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 11
  • Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 12
  • Chris Gleason, Gaithersburg, MD — 13
  • Tom Bestor, Oakland, CA — 13 (Rookie!)
  • Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 14
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY — 14
  • Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI — 15
  • Fred Hesby, Portland, OR — 16
  • Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — Banner Tag
  • Chester Wickstaff, Sugar Land, TX — Topic
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
  • Courtney Love, Seattle, WA — Ambience
T5051498

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