The list for June 30, 1997
The Top 15 Signs It’s Time to
Abandon Your Space Station
Abandon Your Space Station
- Breakfast, lunch & dinner — Van DeCamp’s Pork-and-Beans-in-a-tube.
- "Dear Dmitri: We at Mutual of Kazakhstan regret to inform you of the cancellation of your insurance policy…"
- Ship’s computer calmly says, "I don’t know what air leak you’re talking about, Comrade Dave."
- The Benetton and the Starbucks were bad enough, but that new yuppie cigar bar is really stinkin’ up the place.
- Ever since Joel left the show, it just hasn’t been as funny.
- Latest addition to the onboard crew? Some French guy who brought 200 cartons of cigarettes.
- Mission Control announces they’re going to attempt a tricky docking maneuver with the Space Shuttle Kevorkian.
- Space station’s warranty expired 3,834,621 miles ago.
- Tang and Stoli screwdrivers have lost their kick.
- The damage is repairable, but ever since the collision, "Comrade Wussky" has been shrieking nonstop.
- After several days of low oxygen, you’re starting to give serious consideration to Cosmonaut Andrei’s offer to join the "Hundred Mile High" club.
- It’s down to just you and Sigourney Weaver.
- Old ladies swatting at you with rakes from their roof tops.
- Spice Girls on the holodeck.
And the Number 1 Sign It’s Time to Abandon Your Space Station…
- That last little collision not only set off the emergency warning, it ruined the last of your clean boxer shorts.
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CREDITS
Selected from 146 submissions from 50 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 1 (2nd #1)
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 2
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 3
- Lisa Stepaniak, Dearborn, MI — 4
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 5, 7, 12
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 5, Topic
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 5
- Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA — 5
- Bo Williams, Huntsville, AL — 5
- Tisha Stacey, Lisle, IL — 6
- Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 7, 9, 13 (Hat trick!)
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 7
- Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI — 8, 14
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 9
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 10
- Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 11
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 12
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 13
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 13
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 13
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 13
- Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 13
- Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY — 14
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA — 15
- Martell Stroup, Reno, NV — 15
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — Runner Up list name
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
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