The list for May 15, 1998
The Top 17 Signs Godzilla’s in Town
- McDonald’s debuts their new McLizard Happy Meals.
- Gigantic, rampaging reptile is *NOT* spewing racist remarks, eliminating the possibility it’s Marge Schott.
- The really sexy reptilian hookers are all reserved for the entire week.
- Even Al Sharpton has toned down his attitude.
- The entire town is in ruins — and you’re nowhere near India.
- Loud, annoying, screeching sounds, and Yoko Ono is out of the country.
- Every downtown building has been turned into snack food, with the exception of the law office.
- Starbucks pushing new Scorch Roast.
- Mothra has been spotted working out under the watchful eye of Don King.
- Emboldened by news reports your gecko hangs from the ceiling and pees on your head.
- Screaming people and destroyed buildings. (Oops! Those are signs BobVila is in your town.)
- Owner of the local “Big and Tall” store now driving a Rolls Royce.
- Madonna’s new boy-toy is tall, with green skin and some serious bad breath, and Dennis Rodman is still in the NBA playoffs.
- That brown mountain range off in the distance wasn’t there yesterday.
- You suddenly awaken in a pile of rubble, looking at the biggest menace to New York’s skyline since Donald Trump.
- Ken Starr slips to #2 on “Monsters Running Amok” list.
And the Number 1 Sign Godzilla’s in Town…
- The Oscar Meyer Weinermobile shows obvious signs of molestation.
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CREDITS
Selected from 112 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 1 (7th #1)
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 2, 5
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 3
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 4
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 5
- Matt Chaput, Calgary, Alberta, Canada — 6, 9
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA — 7 (Rookie!)
- John Gennity, Woodhaven, NY — 8
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 9 /
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 10
- Don Horton, Sacramento, CA — 11
- M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH — 12 (Rookie!)
- Aaron Bloom, Boston, MA — 13
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 14
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 15
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 16, RU List Name
- Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA — 17
- Lisa Oliver, London, England — 17
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — Topic
- Blue Oyster Cult, Long Island, NY — Ambience
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