Signs Congress Isn’t Serious About Cutting Spending

The list for October 10, 1996

The Top 16 Signs Congress Isn’t
Serious About Cutting Spending

$8 million given to Air Force to create a Stealth Hooker.
Every government telephone programmed with speed dial to Heidi Fleiss.
Not using 1-800-COLLECT when calling Boris Yeltsin.
Latest deficit reduction plan involves transferring the national debt onto credit cards that award frequent flyer miles.
Refusal to switch from $200-an-hour “call girls” to generic $25-an-hour hookers.
Still expecting to erase deficit with proceeds from Kennedy yard sale.
Proposed plan currently under discussion to buy Canada for $24 billion and a case of Budweiser.
New Pentagon spending cap of $50,000 per hammer.
In April, bet millions on the Cubs to win the World Series.
Two words: Mime subsidies.
Still attempting to sell Montana to Bill Gates to pay off the national debt.
Capitol Hill Oriental Massage Wing only half-completed.
“Super-sizing” the President’s lunches still included in budget.
Senator Kennedy already signed up for 1997 “Liquor of the Month Club.”
The Committee on the Effects of Excessive Sunlight and Margaritas allowed to extend research another year.

And the Number 1 Sign Congress Isn’t Serious About Cutting Spending…

CREDITS

Selected from 102 submissions by 34 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5101096