Signs Boris Yeltsin Isn’t Feeling Well

by | Sep 3, 1996 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

The list for September 3, 1996
The Top 17 Signs Boris Yeltsin Isn’t Feeling Well

  1. At formal state dinner, doesn’t even have the strength to hurl on Japan’s Prime Minister.

  2. Refused Chechen offer of 100 cases of Stoli in exchange for independance.

  3. Anna Nicole Smith deplanes at Moscow International Airport.

  4. At recent summit meeting, finished 3rd in bratwurst eating contest behind President Clinton and Chancellor Kohl.

  5. Kremlin Smirnoff delivery man opens a “Boris” souvenir stand near Lenin’s Tomb.

  6. Smirnoff stock suddenly dropping faster than Phillip Morris stock.

  7. His usual straight vodka breakfast has been replaced by vodka and orange juice.

  8. Gasnost.

  9. Not the least bit excited about the Levi’s sale down at the Kremlin Outlet Mall.

  10. He passes on the job of casting director for “Baywatch: Russia.”

  11. Next to Yeltsin, Lenin’s cheeks have a rosy glow.

  12. TAAS publishes “untouched” photos of Yeltsin partying with Princess Di.

  13. Laughs his butt off at Yakoff Smirnoff.

  14. Chechen rebels send over a casserole.

  15. Declares his toilet The Independent Republic of Ralph and names himself “Emperor for Life.”

  16. Keeps running around the Kremlin yelling, “Natasha, I’m goink to get zat moose and squirrel!”
And the Number 1 Sign Boris Yeltsin Isn’t Feeling Well…

  1. Eyelids taped open, jaw and hands controlled by strings, back propped up with large stick… you don’t have to be George Clooney to make the call on this one.
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CREDITS
Selected from 108 submissions by 33 subscribers.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Greg Bell, San Diego, CA — 1 (2nd #1)
  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 2, 12
  • David Bryant, Columbia, MD — 2
  • Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 3
  • George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 4, 10
  • Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 5, 11
  • Rebecca Smith, Dallas, TX — 6
  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 7, 14
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 7
  • David E. Spiro, Tucson, AZ — 7
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 7
  • Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 7
  • Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 8
  • Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 9
  • Tom Louderback, Breckenridge, CO — 11
  • Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 12
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 13
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 13, 15
  • Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 15, 17
  • Garrett Mettler, San Luis Obispo, CA — 16
  • Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 17
  • Allen Cohn, whereabouts unknown — Topic
  • Paul Lara, Temple, TX — Topic
  • Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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