The list for May 13, 1996
The Top 17 Signs Bob Dole
Is Too Old to Be President
Is Too Old to Be President
- Refers to Strom Thurmond as “That Thurmond kid.”
- Recently got birthday wishes from Willard Scott!
- Can’t figure out why rabbit ears on his TV won’t help the picture.
- “I knew George Washington, and Bill, you’re no George Washington.”
- Remembers The Alamo — first hand.
- Old enough to be the father of the father of our country.
- Still wondering when Ed Sullivan will get back from vacation.
- Twice last week sharpened his thumb instead of his pencil.
- Keeps mumbling about how it’s “high time we taught them Redcoats a lesson.”
- Rumored to be considering Bob Hope for his running mate.
- Arm was actually wounded in nasty duel with Aaron Burr.
- His John Hancock looks suspiciously like John Hancock’s John Hancock.
- Buzzards known to salivate at the mere mention of his name.
- Asked wife if wooden teeth would make him seem “more presidential.”
- Leaves the left turn signal on Air Force One on all the way from Washington to Kansas.
- Remembers when minimum wage was raised from a sharp stick to two rocks.
And the Number 1 Sign Bob Dole Is Too Old to Be President…
- Received a marriage proposal from Anna Nicole Smith.
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CREDITS
Selected from 93 submissions by 25 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 1
- Marshal Perlman, Minneapolis, MN — 2
- Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA — 3
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 4
- Caroline Gennity, Queens, NY — 5, 13, 17 (Rookie!)
- Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY — 6, 7
- Perry Friedman, Menlo Park, CA — 7, 13
- Steve Maybo, Carlsbad, CA — 8, 12 (Hall of Famer)
- Alkes L. Price, Philadelphia, PA — 9
- Chris Edmonds, Half Moon Bay, CA — 10
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 11, 17
- Donna Tschetter, Saratoga Springs, NY — 14
- Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 15
- Rick Welshans, Alexandria, VA — 16
- Jim Louderback, New York, NY — Topic
- Brian Wilson, New York, NY — Topic
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