The list for March 3, 1998
The Top 16 Signs Baseball
Spring Training Has Started
Spring Training Has Started
- The air is filled with the gentle "twang" of pulled groin muscles.
- 48 states dealing with shortage of hookers and cliches.
- Police abandon strict enforcement of harsh "No Pepper" laws.
- A lonely Marge Schott once again combs Florida bars for an eligible White Supremacist to bed.
- South American drug cartels shift to round-the-clock production schedule.
- Bat construction industry shifts from "spouse beating bats" to "baseball bats."
- Business up 4000% at the Ft. Lauderdale Hooters.
- Morganna the Gumming Bandit is sighted doing wind sprints.
- Thirty injured in whirlwind created by frenzy of sports reporters sucking up to Ken Griffey, Jr.
- El Nino floodwaters: clear. Tobacco juice floodwaters: brown. It ain’t rocket science, Chester.
- Pete Rose sends Hall of Fame voting members the FTD "Let-Me-In" Bouquet.
- The Florida Marlins trade Gary Sheffield for Harry Caray.
- Your hubby can’t get aroused unless you "bend over and sweep home plate" first.
- Stadium hot dog vendors gleefully skim the scum off last year’s weenie water.
- Dwight Gooden finally begins to stir from his New Year’s Eve stupor.
And the Number 1 Sign Baseball Spring Training Has Started…
- George Will’s sphincter relaxes to nearly-human dimensions.
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CREDITS
Selected from 154 submissions from 55 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 1 (6th #1)
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 2, Runner Up list name
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 3
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 4
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 5, 9
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 6
- Josh Fruhlinger, Oakland, CA — 7
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 7
- David Bryant, Columbia, MD — 8
- Steve Maybo, Carlsbad, CA — 9
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 10
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 10
- Marshal Perlman, Minneapolis, MN — 11
- Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — 12
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 13
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — 14
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 15, 16
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 15
- Denis Rubin, Los Angeles, CA — 15
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 16
- Jim Angerman, Pasadena, CA — Topic
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — Banner Tag
- Chet Mulawka, San Carlos, CA — Continued use of the name, “Chester”
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
- Five-Man Electrical Band, Canada — Ambience
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