The list for August 5, 1997
The Top 15 Signs Arnold Schwarzenegger
is 50 Years Old
is 50 Years Old
- His Humvee’s left turn signal is always on.
- Vericose veins bulging out of his neck.
- Black leather jacket & motorcycle boots replaced by taupe windbreaker & white loafers
- Can no longer throw Uncle Ted out of parties with one arm.
- Maria falls asleep before he can get his broadsword ready, if you know what I mean.
- Filming constantly interrupted with, "I’ll be… LINE, PLEASE!"
- "Mr. Universe" competition declines his suggestion for a "Best Gums Over 50" category.
- Hemorrhoids now larger than biceps.
- Concludes every failed bowel movement attempt by saying, "I’ll be back."
- Ever-increasing body count in "Grumpy Old Men" sequels since he joined the cast.
- Has to stop and rest mid-last name when signing autographs.
- Changed his name to "Arnie Schwartz" and moved to Miami to play bridge every Tuesday and Friday afternoon.
- Most explosions in latest flick are the result of his worsening lactose intolerance.
- Every plot: Get revenge upon neighborhood kids for walking on his lawn.
And the Number 1 Sign Arnold Schwarzenegger is 50 Years Old…
- Has begun tucking his pecs into the front of his pants.
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CREDITS
Selected from 98 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 1 (10th #1)
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 2
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 2, 3
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 4, 7
- Martell Stroup, Reno, NV — 5
- Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA — 6
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 7
- Ken Shinodo, Bend, OR — 8
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 9
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 10, 15
- Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 10
- Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN — 11
- Joel McClure, Royal Oak, MI — 12
- Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Canada — 13
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 14
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 15
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — Topic
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — Banner tag
- George Thorogood, Detroit, MI — Ambience
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
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