Signs a Romance Novel has been Plagiarized

The list for August 4, 1997

The Top 15 Signs a Romance
Novel has been Plagiarized

Hero, ripping open heroine’s bodice gasps, "Bosoms are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get."
Book after book, the same plot: Boy kills father, boy marries mother, boy pokes his eyes out.
The author is 6′ 3", weighs 220, has more body hair than Robin Williams, lives in Tulsa and *insists* his real name is Barbara Cartland. You do the math.
Promo on the cover: "Noted law enforcement agent, Richard Jewell, debuts with this story of lasting passion set in his beloved hometown of Atlanta during the Civil War."
Author’s name, Tralachan LeGraipazir, is merely a scrambled version of "Charlatan Plagiarizer."
Contains the recurring line: "Yes I would like to wham and bam; Sam I am and thank you, Ma’am!"
Something familiar about a boy and girl from feuding families in Verona, Italy.
One big open quote mark on the first page and one big closed quote on the last page.
"He slowly turned, and in his most seductive voice asked, ‘You talkin’ to me? Are YOU talkin’ to ME?!’"
Instead of "slaking his passion with Gabriella’s lush lips," the hero "gyres and gimbles in Gabriella’s wabe."
Chapter in which a scantily-clad Desiree clings to the sinewy Roberto and recites a list of ways he can tell if he might be a redneck.
The author? Danielle Steal.
Hero’s frequent calls of "Adrian!!" seem to ring a bell.
Published by Kinko’s.

And the Number 1 Sign a Romance Novel has been Plagiarized…

Heartbreaking passage where all four female leads are dumped — as Jack slips out the back, Stan makes a new plan, Roy becomes inexplicably coy and Gus is seen headed to the bus depot.

CREDITS

Selected from 69 submissions from 25 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5080497