The list for April 13, 1998
The Top 16 Side Effects of Viagra
- Maybe Private Johnson remembered how to stand at attention, but he now he won’t stand at ease.
- No longer need help keeping the ribbon in place while tying a bow.
- When taken by a woman, she becomes instantly unable to ask anyone for directions.
- #1 Florida Bumper Sticker? "Don’t Come A-Knockin’ if the Lincoln’s A-Rockin’!"
- Strom Thurmond shows up at the White House and offers to give the interns a tour of the "Washington Monument."
- Sales of flour skyrocket as hordes of happy grannies start baking up a storm.
- Productivity at work soars as due to new "11 finger" typing method.
- One-hour delayed response forces men to finally learn foreplay techniques.
- Republican-sponsored "War on Prostitution" bill immediately withdrawn from Senate floor.
- Sudden irresistible urge for Quarter-Pounders and Interns.
- NRA memberships and Corvette/Jaguar sales plummet.
- "Hi, I’m John. What’s a nice girl like you do–Hey! What are you staring at?!"
- "Y’know, that Linda Tripp’s not a bad looking woman…"
- Them baggy Jeans no longer slippin’ off your butt all the time.
- Finally — a place to put your morning bagel during your morning commute!
And the Number 1 Side Effect of Viagra…
- Looks like you can kiss your hopes of winning that Limbo Championship goodbye.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 149 submissions from 52 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1 (19th #1)
- Vickie Neilson, Carlsbad, CA — 2
- John Gennity, Woodhaven, NY — 3, 11
- Chris Gleason, Gaithersburg, MD — 4
- Martell Stroup, Boston, MA — 5
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 6
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 6
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 7
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 8, 13
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 9
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 10
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 12
- Gerard McDonald, New Haven, CT — 12
- Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA — 14
- Jennifer Markes, West Hollywood, CA — 15
- Matt Moore, Fresno, CA — 16
- Matt Siske, Dayton, OH — RU list name & Banner Tag
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
- Steely Dan, New York, NY — Ambience
T5041398
