The list for July 31, 1998
The Top 13 Rejected Steps in 12-Step Programs
- Whenever the urge to submit to your addiction strikes, sing Barney songs until pummeled beyond recognition.
- Humbly ask God to remove all character flaws and about 5 inches from our thighs, hips and buttocks.
- Toast to your success!
- Blame the friggin’ wife for spending all my hard-earned money, for chrissake!!
- First Step: Ask Her Out And Treat Her Like A Lady
- Do a shot of tequila every time someone says "codependent."
- First, you must admit to everyone you know that you have "this friend" who has a problem.
- Come clean about that Chappaquiddick thing, for cryin’ out loud.
- Put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up.
- Admit that Feng Shui cannot in any way compensate for daily physiological counseling.
- Give Yourself Over to a Higher Power: But first, take off all your clothes and have a seat in the Oval Office.
- Steps 5 through 7: Lick it, suck it, slam it.
And the Number 1 Rejected Step in 12-Step Programs…
- Complete program by standing in front of support group and shouting, "I’m cured, you bunch of losers!"
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CREDITS
Selected from 120 submissions from 45 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 1, 13 (6th #1)
- Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 2
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 3
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 4
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 5
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 6, Runner Up List Name
- Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY — 7
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN — 8
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 9
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 9
- Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — 10
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 11
- M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH — 12
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — Topic
- Scott Weiland, San Diego, CA — Ambience
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