Rejected Scientific Papers

The list for June 1, 1998
The Top 16 Rejected Scientific Papers

  1. Imminent Global Destruction: Why Tea Leone Won’t Return My Calls

  2. A Study of Who Can Shoot Milk Out of His Nose Farther, Me or My Friend, Matt

  3. Charles Nelson Reilly: Testosterone, Androgen and the Hypermasculine of the Species

  4. Highway to Hell: The Deadly Link Between Air Guitar and Young Male WASP Traffic Fatalities

  5. Post Scripted Annotations of the Reader’s Maternal Parent Pertaining to Promiscuous Coital Activities for Remuneration: Your Mother’s a Ho

  6. Abnormal Behavioral Models of Slacker Office-Publishing Lackeys: Why it Took Me 5 Friggin’ Days to Get This Paper Back From Kinkos

  7. Turning Crap to Gold: The New QVC Alchemy

  8. Spewing Profits: Are the Bath Tissue and Olestra Industries in Bed Together?

  9. Effects of a Huge, No-Strings Government Research Grant on Frank Farel of Long Island, NY… About a Million Bucks, Say

  10. How Much Fibrous Xylem Could a Marmota Monax Slough if a Marmota Monax Could Slough Fibrous Xylem?

  11. Seruc rof aixelsyD

  12. WHAM!: Production of Liquid by Means of Manual Stimulation of a Cylinder

  13. Ants in my Pants: A Personal Case Study

  14. Observed Effects of Viagra on Bone Regeneration

  15. Cats, Landings, and the Empire State Building: How High Is TOO High?
And the Number 1 Rejected Scientific Paper…

  1. She Blinded Me With Acid: The Do’s and Don’ts of Lab Assistant Harassment
.
CREDITS
Selected from 131 submissions from 48 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1 (23rd #1)
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 2
  • Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 3
  • Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — 4
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 5
  • Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX — 6
  • Patrick Douglas Crispen, Univ of Alabama — 7
  • LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA — 8
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 9, 13
  • David Hyatt, New York, NY — 10
  • David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 11, 15
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 12, Topic
  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 14
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY — 16
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — Banner Tag
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — RU List Name
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
  • Thomas Dolby, London, England — Ambience
T5060198

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