Rejected Mother’s Day Cards (Part II)

The list for May 12, 1998
The Top 15 Rejected Mother’s Day Cards
(Part II)

  1. We hate the day care lady, Mom,
    Gray hair sprouts from her ear.
    Won’t you keep us home with you,
    And ditch that damned career?

  2. Here’s a little bottle,
    For you on Mother’s Day.
    You certainly do drink a lot
    Since Daddy went away.

  3. I want to be just like you, Mom,
    So pretty and full of class.
    So I, too, will bed the president,
    And then I’ll sue his ass.

  4. Show you love me, Mother,
    Though I made a bad decision.
    Steal a semi, ram the fence,
    And break me out of prison.

  5. I was a happy little girl,
    Now all I do is cry.
    You caused all my neuroses, Mom —
    You raised me as a *guy.*

  6. There once was a mother named Mom,
    Who had a great son, named Tom.
    He sent flowers her way,
    For each Mother’s Day.
    So can you loan me a grand?

  7. What is a mother?
    Soother of boo-boos,
    Singer of lullabies,
    Confidant,
    Friend…
    Yeah, yeah, yeah — Here’s your plant, I’m double-parked.

  8. I got my dad’s eyes, and my grandma’s class,
    But thanks to YOU, Mom, I’ve a double-wide ass.

  9. Happy Mormon Mother’s Day!
    You’ve earned a day of rest.
    Of all my many mommies,
    You’re the one I love the best.

  10. I made this picture with lots of love,
    Some tape, some glitter and glue.
    So get off my case about a job —
    I’m only thirty-two.

  11. You nursed me, Mom, you gave to me
    Your swelling naked breast.
    I suckled there, I drank my fill,
    You never got a rest.
    And now that it’s been thirty years,
    I have but one request:
    I think it’s time you weaned me, Ma,<
  12. Roses are red, violets are blue,
    Ellen is gay, and guess what? I am too!

  13. Dear Mom, you’ve always helped me out.
    I wish that I’d helped YOU.
    But if I’d lied while on the stand,
    I’d be in prison, too!

  14. My inheritance money you’re wastin’
    Living life in extravagant style.
    So today, red-hot lead you’ll be tastin’,
    Like the mother of Erik and Lyle.
And the Number 1 Rejected Mother’s

  1. Happy Mother’s Day to the best Mom.
    As a parent, well, you are Da Bomb.
    I don’t mind that you boss me,
    ‘Cause you didn’t toss me
    In the bathroom at your Senior Prom.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 86 submissions from 32 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 1 (8th #1)
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 2, RU List Name
  • LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA — 3
  • Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA — 4
  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 5
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 6, 9
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 7, 12
  • Michelle Burke, San Francisco, CA — 8
  • Jay Allen, Long Beach, CA — 10
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY — 11
  • William Gray, Mountain View, CA — 13
  • John Gennity, Woodhaven, NY — 14
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 15
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — Banner Tag
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — Topic
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
  • Frank Zappa, whereabouts unknown — Ambience
T5051298

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