Rejected Messages in “Secretaries Day” Cards (Part I)

The list for April 22, 1998

The Top 14 Rejected Messages
in "Secretaries Day" Cards
(Part I)

You say HARassment, I say harASSment.
Let’s call the whole thing off and settle out of court.
Thanks for your smile, it’s really the most,
Even though my expenses are more than your gross.
You’re tireless, honest,
bright and efficient.
But I’m letting you go
For some young chick who isn’t.
I gave your life a second chance,
I posted all your bails.
So far, you’ve shown me just one skill
The way you file — your nails!
Roses are Red, Violets are Blue.
Coffee, black.
Now, dammit!
You type and file with utmost care,
but one thing does offend.
We’ve had complaints from everywhere;
please to your odor tend.
Roses are Red, Violets are Blue.
If I had your job, I’d hate me too.
Here are some flowers,
some candy, and this poem.
By the way, you’ve been downsized,
pack your things and go home.
You’re just great, a lawyer’s dream,
the best assistant now alive.
You figured out how I could bill
for writing all those lame Top 5s.
We’ve seen you work hard, we’ve seen you work long.
Now let’s see you work in this red satin thong.
Since the day I hired you,
I’ve made it my sole mission.
To see you here, behind my desk,
in an executive position.
You’re privy to all of my shadiest deals,
But God help you, sister, if you ever squeal!
I like your hair dyed purple-blue,
I like your single eyebrow, too.
Is that your typing that I hear?
Or your dentures clacking, Myrtle, dear?

And the Number 1 Rejected Message in a "Secretaries Day" Card…

Roses are pricey, you eat like a horse.
This two-dollar card was my only recourse.

CREDITS

Selected from 119 submissions from 45 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5042298