Rejected Messages in “Secretaries Day” Cards (Part II)

The list for April 23, 1998

The Top 14 Rejected Messages
in "Secretaries Day" Cards
(Part II)

Yes, I’m a scumbag, that’s easy to see.
So just for today, I’ll let YOU harass ME!
Lusty whispers on the phone, a quick tryst in the car.
I love the time we spend alone, but please don’t tell HR.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
If Bill gets a free pants drop, then I want one, too.
F yu cn rd ths, yu knw hw I fl whn I rd yr tpng.
Pck up yr thngs — Y’r frd!
Since you’ve been here, I’ve been inspired.
Now it’s time you get nekkid, before you get fired.
I’m sorry your job leaves you bored and unhappy.
I’d pay you more money if your work weren’t so crappy.
No prior experience, no quizzes, no tests.
The truth is I hired you just for your… smile.
No pad and no pencil, forget all that crap!
It’s time for "dictation" — Just sit on my lap.
Here’s a dollar. Go buy some better cologne, willya?
Without a bra and unrestrained,
You bend to make a copy.
All eyes now turn the other way,
Your disk ain’t all that’s floppy.
You put the "Ass" in Administrative Assistant!
Here are some flowers from FTD,
and a brand new Buick LTD.
You’re getting all these things from me,
’cause I’m really sorry ’bout that STD.
As my male secretary, you’re a fine young chap —
but I’d prefer if you didn’t sit in my lap.

And the Number 1 Rejected Message in a "Secretaries Day" Card…

It should be unlawful, your coffee’s just awful!
It looks like crude oil, it’s so thick.
It tastes like a booger,And no cream or sugar
Can keep it from making me sick.

CREDITS

Selected from 141 submissions from 52 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5042398