Reasons Your Baseball Team Isn’t Doing Well

The list for August 26, 1997

The Top 15 Reasons Your Baseball
Team Isn’t Doing Well

Your owner is named Marge and it appears there *is* a God.
Your team is a mile high and it’s *not* the Rockies.
The only “team effort” being put forth is when players help each other button their shirts over their beer guts.
Eccentric owner traded entire pitching staff for Mickey Mantle rookie card.
Controversy over hitting with the skinny end of the bat vs. thick end of the bat still raging.
Infield continues to perform 7th-inning stretch “YMCA” all the way through ninth inning.
Your TV games get outdrawn by “A Milli Vanilli Christmas,” and it’s still July.
Tatum O’Neal’s arm is shot, Coach Buttermaker is passed out drunk in the dugout, and Daryl Strawberry, well, he’s Daryl Strawberry.
Billy Ray Cyrus has had more hits than your entire outfield.
You accidentally signed your 4 million dollar Japanese pitcher without seeing him throw one ball.
Your pre-season strategy: Tighter uniforms!
Catcher afraid to look up after Harry Carey’s had his third beer.
Batting Coach Miyagi’s unorthodox one-legged “Crane Stance” proves somewhat ineffective against Randy Johnson’s 100 MPH fastball.
Your star hitter’s been choking up on his bat too much, if you know what I mean.

And the Number 1 Reason Your Baseball Team Isn’t Doing Well…

CREDITS

Selected from 109 submissions from 44 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5082697