The list for July 15, 1994
The Top 20 Reasons Why the Top5 Newsletter Is Late
- Moderator way too busy printing up “Free Jeff Gilooly” T-shirts.
- Madonna tiring of athletes, now interested in Top 5 List moderators.
- Moderator enjoys domestic chores more than computer work.
- Mr. Moderator was too busy stealing list topics from popular talk shows.
- Newsletter was stuck inside O.J.’s “mystery envelope.”
- Moderator was busy polishing his heirloom silver.
- Moderator got tongue caught in diskdrive, had to wait for help to arrive.
- Moderator busy torturing east coast contributors by forcing them to be funny in the last ten minutes of the work week.
- Drugs, drugs and more drugs.
- Moderator was in Cannes with Julia Roberts — until he woke up.
- Moderator jailed for attacking the Bruce Willis exhibit at Planet Hollywood.
- Hey, *you* try counting 17 or 18 “Top 5” items!
- Moderator busted for stealing Dave’s “intellectual property.”
- Moderator in the hospital having “Roseanne & Tom” tattoo removed from his butt.
- Job as Minister of Canings cuts into leisure time.
- CBS interested in the Top 5 List — moderator holding out for “$1 more than Dave got.”
- Damn that Mexican food!
- What? The Top 5 newsletter is late? Get President Carter on the phone!
- Moderator’s brain secretly replaced with Folgers Crystals.
And the Number 1 Reason Why the Top5 Newsletter Is Late…
- Moderator still waiting for the swelling in his head to go down after the recent PC Week 15 minutes of fame.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 146 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Jimmy White, Austin, TX – 1
- Alkes Price, Philadelphia, PA – 2, 5
- Joe Desiderio, New York, NY – 3
- Rick Welshans, unknown – 4 (Rookie!)
- Amy Winkelman, unknown – 5, 10, 20, Topic (Rookie!)
- Colby Phillips,unknown – 5, 10, 20, Topic (Rookie!)
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD – 5, 16
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA – 6 (Rookie!)
- Michele Beltran, Lansing, MI – 7
- Karen Sutton, unknown – 8, 12 (Rookie!)
- Ric Belding, Anaheim, CA – 9
- Tim Wade, Reno, NV – 11
- Tim Blankenbaker, Washington, DC – 13
- Dave George, Harrisonburg, VA – 14 (Rookie!)
- Chris Ryan, Madison, WI – 15 (Rookie!)
- Dan DeAngelis, Hershey, PN – 17
- Nancy Matus, Cardiff, CA – 18 (Roomie!)
- Jeff Johnson, Daly City, CA – 19
T5071594