Reasons Why Everyone Received 5 Copies of Yesterday’s “Demi Moore” List

The list for June 26, 1996
The Top 20 Reasons Why Everyone Received
5 Copies of Yesterday’s “Demi Moore” List

  1. Misguided attempt to thwart shameless copyright violators by delivering Top 5 List to every IP address in North America.

  2. Those darn Windows Sources folks wanted you to see their ad as many times as possible.

  3. Trying to attract readers in that key 13- to 17-year-old male demographic.

  4. Hey, Einstein, why do you think it’s called “The Top FIVE List”?

  5. Demented contributor Duncan Carling hacked his way into listserver, hoping to make Hall of Fame by boosting monthly score.

  6. I don’t know. Could it be, maybe… Satan?

  7. Moderator’s lame attempt to convince Demi to pose naked for TopFive.Com web site.

  8. Cruel practical joke played on moderator and videotaped by his friends. Next stop: “America’s Funniest Videos,” competing with the Cat Who Can Eat With Chopsticks and the Stupid Kid Who Falls Down A Lot for the $10,000 grand prize.

  9. Mistakes were made. If we told you more, we’d have to kill you.

  10. Only one possible explanation: Industrial espionage by agents from Worldwide Pants!

  11. Why don’t you ask those bastards over at the Trilateral Commission?

  12. “Hey, Cletus! I got a week’s worth of Top 5’s today., an’ ever’ one of ’em’s about Demi Moore!”

  13. Moderator thought he was posting his weekly “MAKE MONEY BY RUNNING LITTLE ADS IN NEWSPAPERS” messages to newsgroups.

  14. New Top Five List Sponsor: Jack Daniels.

  15. Bruce Willis repeatedly bashing Editor’s head on keyboard.

  16. Supernatural phenomenon forced moderator to repeatedly relive same moment until he learned how to treat Andie MacDowell with respect.

  17. Five? I only got four. Everyone else got five? Did everyone get together and decide I should only get four? Was there a secret message in the fifth one about me? Was the fifth one *funny*?

  18. Demi Moore, Demi Merrier.

  19. Because any more than five and you’re just being ridiculous.
And the Number 1 Reason Why Everyone Received 5 Copies of Yesterday’s “Demi Moore” List…

  1. ‘Cause it f**kin’ rocked!!
.
CREDITS
Selected from 148 submissions by 55 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Matt Alford, Salem, OR — 1
  • Dave George, Arlington, VA — 2
  • Norman Kenney, Carlsbad, CA — 3, 20
  • Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 4
  • Larry Baum, La Jolla, CA — 4
  • Peg Warner, Bangor, ME — 5
  • Rick Welshans, Alexandria, VA — 6
  • Marshall Perlman, Palm Bay, FL — 7
  • Ken Woo, Encinitas, CA — 8
  • Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 9
  • David Hyatt, New York, NY — 10
  • Jim Louderback, New York, NY — 11, 19
  • Sam Maranto, Baltimore, MD — 11
  • Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 12
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 12
  • Gerard McDonald, New York, NY — 13
  • Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 14
  • Sterling Smith, Houston, TX — 15
  • Duncan Carling, San Francisco, CA — 16
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 17
  • Matthew Diamond, Holland, PA — 18, Topic (Rookie!)
  • Chris White, New York, NY — Listmeister
  • Gloria Monti, New York, NY — Asst. Listmeister
T5Jun2696.shtml

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