The list for August 12, 1996
The Top 16 Reasons to Dread Turning Forty
- “Nightline” replaces night life.
- Ability to rock and roll and interest in doing so disappear simultaneously.
- Five years eligible, and you’re *still* not President of the United States.
- Fear of losing the ability to perform the old “Carry a wash cloth with no hands” trick.
- A thong-wearing Martha Raye jumps out of the cake to deliver a one-year supply of Polident as a birthday gift.
- The annoying way your ‘toup’ blows off whenever you get the TransAm convertible over 60 .
- Movie attendant getting more and more suspicious of you and your student ID.
- Band that you once camped out to see is now playing the local Corn Festival.
- Gives your mom yet *another* reason to kick you out of the house.
- Sudden biochemical reaction whereby you now love Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond.
- Grief counseling replaces dream of becoming Menudo star.
- Takes all your charisma AND a Lexus to be a Babe Magnet.
- Quieting the room to hear Rogaine commercials better.
- 60 more years before Willard Scott gives a crap.
- You’re halfway to the age where Anna Nicole Smith starts hitting on you.
And the Number 1 Reason to Dread Turning Forty…
- Ear hair keeps getting mixed up in your comb-over.
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CREDITS
Selected from 104 submissions by 39 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 1 (Rookie! — 1st #1!)
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 2
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 3
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 4
- Dee Anne Phillips, Shreveport, LA — 5
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 6
- Chris McKenna, Malibu, CA — 7, 14
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 8, 10
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 8
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 8
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 8
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 9
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 11
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 12
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 13
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 15
- Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 16
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — Topic, Birthday Boy!
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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