The list for June 21, 1994
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
I’ve tried to refrain from using submitted items referring to
O.J. Simpson, because he’s “innocent until proven guilty” blah, blah.
But, putting aside the double murder charges, O.J. is already
guilty of two crimes — using up hundreds of thousands of California
taxpayer dollars taking a leisurely Sunday afternoon drive around the
Los Angeles freeway system, complete with dozens of police escorts,
and pre-empting the NBA Finals game 5 featuring MY Houston Rockets!
Therefore, the gloves are now officially off, and here we go…
O.J. Simpson, because he’s “innocent until proven guilty” blah, blah.
But, putting aside the double murder charges, O.J. is already
guilty of two crimes — using up hundreds of thousands of California
taxpayer dollars taking a leisurely Sunday afternoon drive around the
Los Angeles freeway system, complete with dozens of police escorts,
and pre-empting the NBA Finals game 5 featuring MY Houston Rockets!
Therefore, the gloves are now officially off, and here we go…
The Top 17 Reasons for O.J.
Simpson’s Freeway Drive
Simpson’s Freeway Drive
- Miffed at always being passed up for grand marshall of Rose Parade.
- Thought he was supposes to surrender to the *New York* police.
- Taking a short cut to his job at the nuclear plant. (Oops! That’s one of the Top 5 Reasons for *Homer* J. Simpson’s Freeway Drive!)
- “Come on, AL, just forty more miles and the odometer will flip 100,000!”
- Missed the sign that said “Next Exit: Food, Gas, Ammo.”
- Figured he could outwit Tommy Lee Jones long enough to find the real culprit.
- Heard Burger King was giving out “Lion King” action figures with Kid’s Meals.
- Haunted by that 80-year-old Hertz woman’s voice, shouting, “GO, O.J., GO!”
- Mistook Dexatrim capsules for ‘ludes, and the next thing ya know…
- Wanted to finish listening to his new Snoop Doggy Dog CD.
- Had to deliver that pizza in half an hour, or it was free.
- Rental copy of “Fatal Attraction” overdue at Brentwood Blockbuster.
- In sudden haste to leave country, forgot to pack favorite Smurf pajamas with attached feet.
- Desperate last-ditch attempt to wrest “Sportsperson of the Year” honors away from Tonya Harding.
- A.C. and O.J. still bitter over losing highly-coveted roles of Thelma and Louise to Susan Sarandon and Geena Davis.
- Psychiatrist-prescribed “Route 66 Therapy” went horribly wrong.
And the Number 1 Reason For O.J. Simpson’s Freeway Drive…
- Just felt like cruisin’, dammit.
.
CREDITS
Today’s list authors were:
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD – 1, 3, 15
- Aaron Milenski, Oberlin, OH – 1
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL – 1
- Roger Ciotti, Kenosha, WI – 1
- Jim Louderback, San Fransisco, CA – 2
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, Alameda, CA – 3, 12
- Norman Kenney, San Diego, CA – 4
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA – 5
- ECRS, wherebouts forgotten – 6, 14
- P. Kachurek, ??, MI – 7
- Jimmy White, Austin, TX – 8 (Rookie!)
- Rick Canales, Austin, TX – 8 (Rookie!)
- Scrivener John, San Jose, CA – 9
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC – 10 (Hall of Famer)
- Mitch Patterson, Melbourne, FL – 11
- Ken Wilson, Kansas City, MO – 12
- David E. Spiro, Cambridge, MA – 13
- Kim Moser, New York, NY – 15
- Ravin’ Dave Furstenau, Lincoln, NE – 16 (Rookie!)
- Sharon Yonkers, whereabouts unknown – 17 (Rookie!)
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN – 17 (Hall of Famer)
- Chris White, San Diego, CA – Topic
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