Reasons For Being Fired From Toys ‘R’ Us

The list for May 15, 1997
The Top 15 Reasons For Being
Fired From Toys ‘R’ Us

  1. A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean.

  2. Every time you’re passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all."

  3. You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego bricks.

  4. Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The Stockboy" display.

  5. You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer.

  6. Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they’re the new "Jerry Springer" edition.

  7. The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not selling.

  8. Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct.

  9. Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again.

  10. Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the Giraffe.

  11. Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you jackknifed a Big Wheel.

  12. Caught hocking phlegm into tykes’ hands and telling them it was "homemade Gack."

  13. Your sales display, "Barbie’s Struggle for Survival in Post-Nuclear Holocaust Malibu" was not exactly an overwhelming success.

  14. Too many reports from people who swear they saw Geoffrey the Giraffe in a leather bar.
And the Number 1 Reason For Being Fired From Toys ‘R’ Us…

  1. Regardless of the question, you answer, "Bite me, kid — I R on break."
.
CREDITS
Selected from 134 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 1 (6th #1)
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 1 (4th #1)
  • Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 2
  • Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA — 3
  • David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 4 (Rookie!)
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 4, 14 (Hall of Famer)
  • Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 4, 6
  • Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 5 (Hall of Famer)
  • Martell Stroup, Reno, NV — 5
  • Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Canada — 7
  • Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 8
  • Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 8
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 9
  • Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY — 10
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 11
  • George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 12
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 13
  • Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 15
  • Orrin Anderson, Boston, MS — Topic
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
T5051597

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