REAL Reasons the Top 5 List Was Down

The list for July 8, 1998
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
THE LIST THAT WOULDN’T DIE!

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor lack of sponsor…
We’re back — relaxed, rested, and ready to rock!
The *NEW* Top 5 List is now out of the body shop,
with a shiny new candy apple red exterior!

The Top 13 REAL Reasons
the Top 5 List Was Down

  1. Let’s just say that a certain Independent Council doesn’t have a sense of humor, and leave it at that.

  2. Re-configuring PC after move from maximum security prison to white-collar "country club" prison.

  3. Chris White on annual five-state road trip to visit all of his kids in the weeks after Father’s Day.

  4. Contributors stigmatized by start of hurricane season.

  5. Contributors doing double duty getting our butts waxed as members of the US soccer team.

  6. List suspended by Alan Greenspan for "irrational exuberance."

  7. Those friggin’ Girl Scouts held the Hall of Fame contributors hostage again.

  8. Windows Sources refused to post bail to get contributor hooligans released from Paris jail.

  9. Tied up in court fighting multi-million dollar copyright infringement suit filed by Top Ramen.

  10. "Note to self: Next time, be sure Mistress Natasha has keys to handcuffs."

  11. After overdosing on Viagra, Editor White could no longer reach his keyboard from a seated position.

  12. After numerous false alarms, Bill "Boy Who Cried Wolf" Muse got his head stuck in the banister for real.
And the Number 1 REAL Reason the Top 5 List Was Down…

  1. Just wanted to see if anyone really gave a rat’s ass!
.
CREDITS
Selected from 143 submissions from 51 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Neil Schwartzman, Montreal, Quebec — 1 (1st #1!)
  • Don Swain, Pontiac, MI– 2
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 3
  • Ken Woo, Encinitas, CA– 4
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 5, RU List Name
  • David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 6
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 6
  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 7
  • JB Leibovitch, Oakland, CA — 8
  • Annie Fisher, Philadelphia, PA — 9
  • Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN — 9
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 9
  • Perry Friedman, Menlo Park, CA — 10
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 11
  • Lisa Oliver, London, England — 12
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 13
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — Banner Tag
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — Ambience Suggestion
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
  • Missing Persons, Los Angeles, CA — Ambience
T5070898

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