The list for October 1, 1997
The Top 16 Problems on Hanson’s Tour
- Nightly argument over which Olsen Twin to dedicate a song to.
- No encores until all vegetables are eaten.
- Non-stop "Are we there yet?" coming from back of the tour bus.
- Pleading phone calls from recently-unemployed Sammy Hagar.
- Lawsuit-happy paparazzi keep tripping on skateboards.
- Typo on posters results in swastika-foreheaded audience screaming for "Helter Skelter."
- Stage diving banned thanks to the NAMBLA contingent in the first three rows.
- "Listen up, people. We have a problem, man — don’t eat the Orange Pixiestix."
- Purple dinosaur in mosh pit always gets drunk and tries to climb onstage.
- Instead of weed and coke backstage, all they get is Cookie Crisp and Fruit Roll-Ups.
- MmmZits.
- It’s hard to have a kickass after-concert party when your groupies have to be home by 9:30 and their moms are all waiting outside in the Vanagon.
- Zach refuses to leave Vegas without his favorite hooker.
- Menudo shows up, ready to kick some white teen ass.
- Nobody can hold a note, much less an instrument, after the "Drugs On Tour" talk with Oasis.
And the Number 1 Problem on Hanson’s Tour…
- Hotel maid wants big bucks or she’s going to Hard Copy with that little bed-wetting problem.
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CREDITS
Selected from 105 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 1 (9th #1)
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 2, 5
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 3
- Denis Rubin, Los Angeles, CA — 4
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 5, 7
- Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 5
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 5
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 6
- Don Swain, Lincoln, DE — 8, 13
- Joel McClure, Royal Oak, MI — 9, 11
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 9
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 10
- Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI — 11
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 11
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 12
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 13, Topic
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 14
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 15
- Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN — 16
- Larry Mills, Oneonta, NY — Banner Tag
- Chris White, New York, NY — Owner/editor
- Raffi, Los Angeles, CA — Ambience
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