The list for February 25, 1997
The Top 15 Potential Problems
With Cloning Humans
With Cloning Humans
- Harder than ever to land a role in those new Wrigley’s commercials featuring the Doublemint Octuplets.
- Two words: Gilbert Gottfried(s)
- Any scientific advancement that stems from the result of Scottish people doing strange things to sheep is bound to have dire consequences.
- In mere weeks, Bill Gates (v1.0, v1.2, v2.0, v3.0, v3.1 & v5.0) has all the money on the entire planet.
- Hillary’s husband discovers true multiple orgasms.
- If you think there are too many idiots shouting “Show me the money!” on every occasion now, just wait.
- Rush Limbaugh takes his affection of himself to new level, and suddenly is IN FAVOR of same-sex marriages.
- “Penn & Penn & Teller & Teller & Teller & Penn & Penn & Teller & Penn” much harder to fit on comedy club marquee.
- And you think it’s hard to find your size now!
- 18-month waiting list for George Clooney and Cindy Crawford clones.
- “Alternative” radio filled with even more Nirvana clones.
- And the final score: the New York Gretzkys – 408, the Pittsburgh Lemieuxs – 399.
- Can no longer count on the grim reaper to get Jesse Helms out of office.
- Those apocalyptic words: “Ladies & Gentlemen: The John Tesh Philharmonic Orchestra!”
And the Number 1 Potential Problem With Cloning Humans…
- Seventeen Mark Fuhrmans, and suddenly OJ’s defense doesn’t seem quite as far-fetched.
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CREDITS
Selected from 143 submissions from 50 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 1, 5 (6th #1)
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 2
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 2
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 2
- Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 3
- Jeff Johnson, Daly City, CA — 4
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 4
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 4
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 6
- Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX — 7
- Jesse Garon, San Francisco, CA — 7
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 7, 14
- Tisha Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 8
- JB Leibovitch, Oakland, CA — 9
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 10
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 11
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 12
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 13
- Kris Kettner, Fond du Lac, WI — 14
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 15
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA — 15
- Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 15
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