The list for May 28, 1997
The Top 15 Pointless Commencement Addresses
- Newt Gingrich: "Exploiting 95% of America While Maintaining a Facade of Integrity and Compassion"
- John Tesh: "How to Tell the Difference Between My Career and That Smell from the Bottom of Your Shoe"
- Oliver Stone: "I Saw What You Did"
- Ex President-For-Life Mobutu: "Victory Through Negotiation" and "It’s Never Too Early to Start Investing in Your Retirement"
- Ernest P. Worrel: "Raising America’s Intellectual Standards Through Mass Entertainment"
- Frank Gifford: "Video Killed The Football Star, Too"
- Howard Stern: "A Case for Optimism – Getting Your Valedictorian to Remove Her Gown"
- Susan Lucci: "If At First You Don’t Succeed… Milk the Free Publicity for All It’s Worth"
- Steven Spielberg: "How to Make $79 Million in a Single Weekend"
- Kathie Lee Gifford: "Putting Your Inner Child to Work for You"
- Anna Nicole Smith: "What *I* Think ‘Summa Cum Laude’ Means"
- Tiger Woods: "Did I mention Nike yet?"
- Bill Gates: "Thirty Billion Reasons Why a College Drop-Out Like Me is More Successful Than You’ll Ever Be"
- John Bobbitt: "Letting Go of Past Attachments"
And the Number 1 Pointless Commencement Address…
- Ross Perot: "There Are Live Clams in My Shorts and It’s Scott Baio’s Fault"
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CREDITS
Selected from 129 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Tisha Stacey, Lisle, IL — 1 (3rd #1)
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 2
- Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 3
- Marianne Tatom, Austin, TX — 3
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN — 4
- Fred Hesby, Portland, OR — 5
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 6
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 7, 12
- Peg Warner, Derry, NH — 8
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 9, Topic
- Jeff Johnson, Daly City, CA — 10
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 11
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC — 12
- Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA — 12
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 13
- Martell Stroup, Reno, NV — 14
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 15
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
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