The list for January 15, 1997
The Top 15 Pet Peeves Of Morticians
- Best make-up artist in the world, but your models never make the cover of Cosmo.
- No moth, no Jodie Foster — just leaves, dirt, and regular dead folks.
- Only three hits this month on the “World O’ Coffins” web site.
- Tough to convince anyone to let you place bodies in action poses.
- Ask any chem prof what happens when you mix embalming fluid and breast implants… WHAMMO!
- Working alone late at night inevitably results in an extreme attack of “the willies.”
- Hard to close the lid on Eroto-Asphyxiation victims.
- Embalming fluid bottle looks an *awful* lot like Colt 45 bottle.
- Toe tag paper cuts.
- The wife keeps asking if you could bring a little more rigor mortis home, if you know what I mean.
- Nobody visits your booth at junior high “Career Days.”
- Every time Keith Richards gets mistakenly hauled in, it costs *us* money.
- At Thanksgiving, no one even TOUCHES your giblet gravy.
- Constant complaints of, “But he looks like Michael Jackson!”
And the Number 1 Pet Peeve Of Morticians…
- Dying in each other’s arms may sound romantic, but once rigor mortis sets in, it just means overtime.
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CREDITS
Selected from 97 submissions from 35 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 1 (1st #1!)
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 2
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 3
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 3
- Rob Wells, Paris, France — 4
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 4
- Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 4
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 5, Topic
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 5
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 6
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 7 (Rookie!)
- Marianne Tatom, Austin, TX — 8
- Debbie Lander, Las Vegas, NV — 8
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 9
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 10
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 11
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA — 12
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 13
- Matt Alford, Salem, OR — 14
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 15
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