Pet Peeves of James Bond

The list for January 13, 1998
The Top 17 Pet Peeves of James Bond

  1. Tomorrow Never Dies, and neither does this blasted cold sore.

  2. Despite being knighted by the Queen, still can’t get a date with Baby Spice.

  3. Getting harder and harder to use his nuclear-powered-heat-seeking-homing-device-in-a-cigarette in California.

  4. Q’s latest gadget only locates your car keys.

  5. Just when you think you’ve finally found the right girl to settle down with, she tries to jam a pen into your throat.

  6. His car may be a computerized, kick-ass arsenal, but try putting a Super Big Gulp in the cup holder.

  7. Morons at Jiffy Lube always pouring windshield washer fluid in the Napalm tank.

  8. Embarrassing to have girlfriend’s name paged when separated at WalMart.

  9. If his neighbor pulls that "Finkelbaum. Morris Finkelbaum" crap one more time, he’s getting an ice pick in the forehead.

  10. New Bond girl, RuPaul, always kicking his ass at arm wrestling.

  11. Studio budget cutbacks have him at the wheel of a souped-up 1976 Gremlin with new Bond girl, Bea Arthur.

  12. Post-Cold War villains? The evil Dr. Hemorrhoid and the Tucks Twins.

  13. Always looks like a ninny in Sean Connery’s big-ass shoes.

  14. Wet spot in bed usually contains bullet hole.

  15. Picture on "License to Kill" looks terrible.

  16. Increasing competition for beautiful women spies from American agent Double-Chin-Bubba.
And the Number 1 Pet Peeve of James Bond…

  1. Pussy Galore = Herpes Galore
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CREDITS
Selected from 152 submissions from 54 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 1, 15
  • William Gray, San Jose, CA — 2
  • Dan Signer, Studio City, CA — 3
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 4
  • Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 5
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 6
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 7, 9
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 7
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 8, 14
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 8
  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 10, 11
  • Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 12
  • R.M. Weiner, Somerville, MA — 13
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 16
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 17
  • Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN — 17
  • Gary Smith, Florissant, CO — Banner Tag
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
  • Was Not Was, Detroit, MI — Ambience
T5011398

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