The list for May 22, 1998
The Top 16 Other Effects of the
Galaxy 4 Satellite Malfunction
Galaxy 4 Satellite Malfunction
- With nowhere else to go, radio signals converge on Don King’s hair.
- Tamagotchis the world over die a slow, horrible death.
- Worldwide headaches when everyone’s metal dental fillings receive the signals from Gilbert Gottfried’s cell phone.
- Phoneless George Steinbrenner left unable to fire Joe Torre when the Yankees trailed in the third.
- Ross Perot and Newt Gingrich stricken with terror while temporarily out of touch with the mothership.
- Fortune Cookie Effect: words “in bed” added to end of all text messages.
- Their cellular phones useless, denizens of Los Angeles experience the quaint charm of eating their lunch with both hands.
- Dennis Rodman tentatively removes tinfoil cap and crawls out from under the woodpile.
- Cher’s face snaps and rolls up like a cheap paper window shade.
- After several days of no pages from the maitre de, the not-too-swift “Wilson, party of four” still waits a block away from restaurant and, boy, are they hungry.
- Young girls everywhere panic as Tiger Beat magazine temporarily loses track of Leonardo DiCaprio.
- “This is Xyctlinor of Reanus IV. Did someone at this number page me?”
- Iraqi spy “Intern-bots” in the White House go on the fritz and begin offering themselves to Sam Donaldson.
- All the crazies on New York streets stop receiving their mind control signals from the CIA, rejoin society and head for Starbucks.
- Five top Hollywood agents died in horrible phone cord accidents.
- Drug dealers resort to cruising neighborhoods in their primered Buick Regals, playing rap versions of “The Entertainer.”
And the Number 1 Other Effect of the Galaxy 4 Satellite Malfunction…
- Millions of Hanson fans, momentarily freed from mind control, realize in unison that they’ve wasted their allowance.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 117 submissions from 45 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA — 1 (1st #1!)
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 2
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 3
- Matt Chaput, Calgary, Alberta, Canada — 4
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 5
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 6
- Gene Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 7
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 8
- M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH — 9
- Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 10
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 11
- Chris Gleason, Gaithersburg, MD — 12
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 13
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 13, 16
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 14
- Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY — 15
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA — 16
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 16, 17
- Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — RU List Name, Topic
- Jay Allen, Long Beach, CA — Topic
- Martell Stroup, Boston, MA — Ambience Suggestion
- The Georgia Satellites, Georgia — Ambience
T5May2298.shtml
