The list for August 26, 1998
The Top 15 Odd Side Effects of Hurricanes
- Anti-terrorist cruise missile blown off course “just happens” to land on Ken Starr.
- Drop in barometric pressure causes unexpected Viagra failure and results in a sudden surge in Trans Am purchases.
- In Florida, howling of winds drowns out howling from Kennedy Compound.
- Same $100 million hurricane damage in the Carolinas only costs $23.89 dollars in Alabama.
- Employees at the Olean factory have no problem with orders to evacuate immediately.
- Pamela Anderson experiences whiplash as breasts fly in opposite directions.
- Jesse Helms actually observed leaning slightly to the left.
- South Carolinians can now projectile-vomit over 430 feet!
- Drop in barometric pressure causes girl-scout cookies to swell so large that they’re temporarily worth six bucks a box.
- Inexplicable changes in Al Roker’s magnetic field.
- Sudden shortage of Springer guests, as incest and promiscuity take a back seat to gettin’ the ol’ trailer right-side up again.
- Headlines with the word “blow”, but no mention whatsoever of Monica.
- Pre-storm rush allows supermarkets to finally get rid of old stock of Spam and Zima.
- Earl the plywood salesman starts tippin’ fives at the topless club.
And the Number 1 Odd Side Effect of Hurricanes…
- White House interns get time off while the President drops his pants and lets nature take its course.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 103 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 1 (8th #1)
- Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 2
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 3 (Hall of Famer)
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 3
- Paul Paternoster, Los Altos Hills, CA — 4 (Hall of Famer)
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 4
- Alan Wagner, Bayside, WI — 4
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 5, 9, Runner Up Name
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 6
- John Gennity, Woodhaven, NY — 7
- Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA — 8
- Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Canada — 10, 14
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 10
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA — 11
- Peter Rogers, Boston, MA — 12, 15
- Martell Stroup, Boston, MA — 12
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 13 (Hall of Famer)
- Tom Louderback, Boston, MA — 14
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — Topic
- Brian Auten, whereabouts unknown — Banner tag
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
- Bob Dylan, Greenwich Village, NY — Ambience
T5Aug2698.shtml
