The list for January 8, 1997
The Top 12 New Year’s Resolutions
Made by Pets
Made by Pets
- Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
- Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
- I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
- Circulate petition that leg humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
- Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
- Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
- Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a rat on ‘roids, or they’ll flush my ass.
- Always scoot before licking.
- Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
- Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
- January 1: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
January 2 – December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
And the Number 1 New Year’s Resolutions Made by Pets…
- I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.
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CREDITS
Selected from 87 submissions from 32 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 1 (2nd #1)
- Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 2
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 3, 7
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 4
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 5
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 6
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 8
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 9
- Peg Warner, Derry, NH — 10
- Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA — 11
- Marianne Tatom, Austin, TX — 12
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — Topic
- Chris White, New York, NY — Listmeister
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