The list for July 1, 1997
The Top 15 New Problems for Mike Tyson
- Fight controversy may adversely affect pro wrestling career.
- Upcoming TV special with Martha Stewart is in doubt.
- That constant ringing in his mouth.
- Spock vs. Tyson bout hastily cancelled.
- Can’t decide between the Crest & Tom’s of Maine endorsement deals.
- Kids really start to freak out whenever he tries to play “Got Your Nose.”
- New nickname of “Nipsy” less intimidating than “Iron Mike.”
- Has absolutely no idea how to handle his next opponent, Vinny “No Ears” Bottatucci.
- Nobel people called — they want their peace prize back.
- Saturday: Bite some guy’s ear off. Sunday: Ozzy Osbourne won’t stop pestering you to go for a drink.
- Willing opponents now down to Vincent Van Gogh and J.Paul Getty, Jr.
- Don King, fearing a loss of credibility, ups commission from 98 to 99%
- ASPCA has yet to approve match with Marmaduke.
- He’s starting to make OJ look respectable.
And the Number 1 New Problem for Mike Tyson…
- Recurring fantasies about Ross Perot and Prince Charles.
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CREDITS
Selected from 145 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Dave George, Arlington, VA — 1, 7 (6th #1)
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 1 (7th #1)
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 2
- Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 3
- Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 4
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 5, 6
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 5, 13
- Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 5
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 5
- Bo Williams, Huntsville, AL — 6
- Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 8
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 9
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 10
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 11
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 12
- Jim Key, Garland, TX — 14
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 15
- Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — Banner tag
- L.L. Cool J, Los Angeles, CA — Ambience
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