The list for November 6, 1996
The Top 19 Michael Jackson Parenting Tips
- Rather than spanking, threaten to have Tito babysit.
- When the child does something wrong, grab your crotch, thrust it forward, and scream, “BAD!”
- Elephant Man bones make a nifty over-the-crib mobile.
- You should always being willing to share your toys… and so should your child, for that matter.
- Little friends are always welcome, once they’ve signed the standard release.
- Keep baking soda handy to extinguish flaming hair.
- Don’t let your child play with Madonna’s child — some people are just too WEIRD.
- Teach your child, “Beauty is only skin deep — but hey, a few face peels never hurt anybody.”
- Wait until your child can effectively bob and weave before allowing him to spend the weekend with his grandpa.
- At birthday parties, don’t leave Elizabeth Taylor unattended at the punch bowl.
- Snug-fitting diapers will keep you from becoming the “King of Poop.”
- That sheep in the petting zoo is only for Daddy.
- Teach your child not to spank the monkey.
- It’s OK to love your child, just don’t LOVE your child.
- Frequent plastic surgery keeps your kids feeling and looking *fresh*!
- Spankings are okay — but stop if the little tyke’s hand gets sore.
- Let the child pick his nose — from a catalog.
- Remove glove *before* changing diaper.
And the Number 1 Michael Jackson Parenting Tip…
- There’s nothing a spoonful of sugar, a big hug, and $25,000,000 can’t fix.
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CREDITS
Selected from 124 submissions by 40 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 1, 10 (3rd #1)
- Peg Warner, Derry, NH — 2
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 3
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 4
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 5
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 6
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 7
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 7
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 8
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 9, 15
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 11
- Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR — 12
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 12, 13, 18 (Hat Trick!)
- Robin Starveling, Dallas, TX — 13
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 14
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 16
- Craig Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 17
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 19
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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