The list for August 8, 1996
The Top 16 Long-Term Effects of Listening
to Country Western Music
to Country Western Music
- Gun rack mysteriously appears in the back of your car.
- You name your kids Garth, Reba, Conway and Merle.
- You form a deeply-rooted mistrust of relationships, fashion trends, and foreign automobiles.
- Big hats, big buckles, & big bills to the Home Shopping Network.
- You start to notice just how doggone attractive yer sister is.
- Thinking more and more the trash can lid would make one helluva belt buckle.
- Diet of chicken-fried steak and Budweiser gives skin an unearthly glow.
- At each of life’s major crossroads, you ask yourself, “What would Willie Nelson do?”
- You become unable to discriminate between one too many and Whoooodoggie!
- You take to speaking in cornball analogies like achin’ takes to a cheatin’ heart.
- You find yourself turning tricks to support $100-a-day hair spray habit.
- You can “Lather, Rinse and Repeat” until the cows come home, but your hair still looks like it has a quart of 30-weight in it.
- Yet *another* worn-out 8-track player.
- Your Bleedin’ Ear.
- You begin to worship Jeff Foxworthy the way the French worship Jerry Lewis.
And the Number 1 Long-Term Effect of Listening to Country Western Music…
- Stong urge to visit a barber and ask for “the Lovett.”
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CREDITS
Selected from 127 submissions by 34 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA — 1 (1st #1!)
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 2
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 3
- Paul Lara, Temple, TX — 4
- Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 5
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 6
- Chris McKenna, Malibu, CA — 7
- Patrick New, Chicago, IL — 8
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 9, 13
- Duncan Carling, San Francisco, CA — 10, 14
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 11
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 12
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 15
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 15
- Lisa Stepaniak, Dearborn, MI — 15
- Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA — 16
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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