Lesser Known Presidential Executive Privileges

The list for March 13, 1998
The Top 16 Lesser Known
Presidential Executive Privileges

  1. Executive dibs on fries in the bottom of the bag… anywhere, any time, *any* bag

  2. Authorized to dispatch towel-wielding Secret Service agents at White House pool parties to apply stinging "rat tails" to anyone he chooses

  3. "You’re Greek? Hey, come on up to my place tonight and we’ll lob a couple of missiles at Istanbul."

  4. 5-Day video rentals from Justice Thomas’s "personal collection"

  5. Prerogative to suspend constitutional prohibition on "Cruel and Unusual Punishment" should he feel like appearing in public wearing gym shorts

  6. The "President’s Dozen" — 15 doughnuts for the price of 12 at all DC doughnut shops

  7. Platinum membership in The Players Club AND front-row seats at any Wrestlemania event

  8. In case of pants-too-tight emergencies, there’s Gertie, the little-used corset-cincher left over from the McKinley administration

  9. When competing on Jeopardy, not required to answer in the form of a question

  10. Goodbye, Extra Value Meal — hello, Super-sized Extra Value Meal with Apple Pie and Milkshake!

  11. Somebody piss you off? Make their yard a national park and it’ll be wall-to-wall Winnebagos.

  12. Can order lawn mowed by upside-down Marine Corps helicopter

  13. One GET OUT OF LAWSUIT FREE card per term

  14. Allowed to bring bucket of fried chicken to opera performances at Lincoln Center

  15. Commander-in-Chief status + surplus Patriot missiles = 1 bitchin’ 4th of July!
And the Number 1 Lesser Known Presidential Executive Privilege…

  1. Unlimited Murphy’s Oil to maintain Vice President’s natural wood-grain luster
.
CREDITS
Selected from 115 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 1, 9 (1st #1!)
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 2, 6
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 3
  • Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — 4, 7
  • Larry Baum, Hong Kong — 4 <
  • Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 5
  • Josh Fruhlinger, Oakland, CA — 7
  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 8
  • Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — 10
  • David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 11
  • Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 12
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 13
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 14
  • Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA — 15
  • LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA — 16
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — Banner Tag
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — RU list name
  • Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA — Topic
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
  • The Presidents of the United States of America — Ambience
T5031398

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