The list for November 4, 1996
The Top 17 Last-Ditch Campaign
Strategies of Bob Dole
Strategies of Bob Dole
- Has Liddy toss in a free pint of blood with every Dole vote.
- Get Russell, Kansas to hold a bake sale and tractor raffle.
- “Ms. Flowers, this is Bob Dole…”
- Asks Clinton to drop out of the race so Dole has a chance against Perot.
- Checks with the Joint Chiefs of Staff on the possibility of a military coup.
- Releases doctored footage showing him catching that foul ball in the playoffs.
- Appeals to “soccer moms” by donning Valderrama wig and providing free Gatorade for remainder of campaign.
- Uses Senate influence to ram through a Constitutional amendment raising minimum age for President to 70.
- In addition to the 15% tax cut for every American, also promises a 15% hair cut.
- Bribes Chelsea with a Porsche and a case of wine coolers for an endorsement.
- Cruises Sunset Boulevard at 2:00 a.m. in desperate try for his own $25 media blitz.
- Claims mean-spirited twin “Doug” locked him in basement and claimed his identity for last 40 years.
- Digs through the Rolodex for that Gilooly kid’s number.
- Legally changes his name to “Bob Clinton.”
- Promises to name Snoop Doggie Dogg “Gangsta of State.”
- Out: Jack Kemp. In: Tom Hanks.
And the Number 1 Last-Ditch Strategy of Bob Dole…
- New campaign slogan: “Vote Dole in ’96, get Kemp in ’97!”
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CREDITS
Selected from 141 submissions by 43 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY — 1 (1st #1!)
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 2, 8, 10
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 3
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 4
- Robin Starveling, Dallas, TX — 4
- Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI — 5
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton MA — 5, 10
- Dave George, Arlington, VA — 5
- Tisha Stacey, whereabouts unknown — 6, Topic (Rookie!)
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 7
- Larry Baum, La Jolla, CA — 9
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 11
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 11
- Kate d’Oliveira, Ft. Lauderdale, FL — 12
- Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 13
- Stephen Pace, Houston, TX — 14
- Matt Alford, Salem, OR — 14
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 15
- Alan Wagner, Bayside, WI — 16
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 17
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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