The list for May 5, 1997
The Top 16 Items in the
“Republic of Texas” Constitution
“Republic of Texas” Constitution
- Tax code allows deduction for one hostage takeover/standoff per family, per year.
- Every Thursday: 2-for-1 drinks at Hooters!
- Nobuddy shuld be descrimnated aginst, less’n he’s from New York (or is otherwise Jewish or Muslim or somethin’), or is just kinda dark or differnt in some way.
- Barbecued ribs are legal tender for all debts.
- Congress shall make no law restricting the size of hats or belt buckles.
- Citizens to receive one vote per gun owned.
- Constitutional amendment requires 2/3 majority of both houses of legislature. Either that, or Tom Landry’s say-so.
- The right to bare breasts, but only on cable, dammit — not in real life.
- Vegetarians count as 3/5 of a person.
- Freedom of religion: you can worship the Cowboys *or* Willie Nelson.
- Civil disputes that cannot be resolved in court shall be settled by a chili cook-off.
- Freedom of Delusion.
- No citizen will be charged extra for gravy on French fries.
- Cold beer cans may be used as “testicular temperature regulators” when operating a motor vehicle.
- State bird: Raised middle finger.
And the Number 1 Item in the “Republic of Texas” Constitution…
- You have the right to be on the cover of Trailer Park Trash magazine.
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CREDITS
Selected from 100 submissions from 35 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Matt Alford, Portland, OR — 1 (5th #1)
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 2
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 3
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 4
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 5
- Duncan Carling, San Francisco, CA — 6, 13
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 6
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 7
- Chris Gleason, Germantown, MD — 8
- David Bryant, Columbia, MD — 9
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 10
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 11, Topic
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — 12
- Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY — 14
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 15
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 16
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