The list for October 9, 1996
The Top 17 Indications Your Vision Is Failing
- Just a month before the election and Perot & Dole still look like they have a chance.
- No more jaw-dropping double takes as Tony Randall and his 25-year old wife walk by.
- Your Nickname at the Eye Clinic: “The Big E.”
- Halfway to day care, your son in the child seat starts barking.
- You can no longer tell those Baldwin brothers apart.
- Yier kefboerd seebs ti hwve a frw liffle proglems.
- Mr. Magoo no longer quite so funny.
- You fail to notice the approach of Roberto Alomar.
- For an instant, you thought Bob Dole didn’t look crabby.
- New designer prescription eyeware by Hubble.
- You notice how insipid the dialogue in “Baywatch” is.
- Default system font now set to Times New Roman 72-point.
- You leave Princess Di for Camilla Parker-Bowles.
- That ‘Hello, lamppost’ line from Simon & Garfunkle now makes sense without a bong.
- That Colombian runway you’re landing your 747 on looks suspiciously like an Andean mountain peak.
- You mistake the hostage for the kidnapper in the crosshairs… again.
And the Number 1 Indication Your Vision Is Failing…
- You trip over yet another cow.
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CREDITS
Selected from 111 submissions by 39 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Craig Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 1, 17 (1st #1!)
- Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 2
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 3
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 4
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 5, 12
- Steve Maybo, Carlsbad, CA — 6
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 7
- Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA — 8
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 8
- Matt Alford, Salem, OR — 9
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 10
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 11
- Kate d’Oliveira, Ft. Lauderdale, FL — 12
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 12
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 13
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 14
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 15
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 16
- Tom Louderback, Breckenridge, CO — 17
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 17
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — Topic
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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