The list for June 10, 1996
The Top 17 Indications Your
Family May be Dysfunctional
Family May be Dysfunctional
- New bill to ban assault weapons specifically mentions your family.
- Your vacations are planned through AA instead of AAA.
- Your mother and your preteen sister always fighting over the last beer.
- In the middle of family reunion, FBI cuts power to ranch.
- Bikers next door always complaining about the noise.
- Local police save money by making your house a precinct substation.
- Brother is writing nostalgic screenplay, “A Menedez Family Christmas.”
- Your new little sister is named after a famous serial killer.
- Holidays usually celebrated by sniffing glue and kicking a toaster around the house.
- Your son informs you he doesn’t care to be your cellmate anymore.
- You have to buy separate Mother’s Day cards for each of Mom’s personalities.
- Family discussions usually begin with, “Put the gun down.”
- You *finally* get your work published in a major newspaper and your rat-bastard brother sics the Feds on you.
- Instead of saying grace before dinner, father reads a passage from Penthouse Forum.
- Thanksgiving Dinner consists of Wild Turkey instead of roast turkey.
- Didn’t make today’s Top Five List? Dad holds ya, Mom beats ya.
And the Number 1 Indication Your Family May be Dysfunctional…
- No more sunny breakfast nook now that kitchen is a methamphetamine lab.
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CREDITS
Selected from 108 submissions by 35 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Duncan Carling, San Francisco, CA — 1, 4, 9
- Dave George, Arlington, VA — 2
- Alkes Price, Philadelphia, PA — 3
- Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 5
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 6, Topic
- Rebecca Smith, Dallas, TX — 7, 11
- Tom Louderback, Breckenridge, CO — 8
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 10
- Paul Lara, Temple, TX — 12
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 13
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 14 (Hall of Famer)
- Chris McKenna, Malibu, CA — 15
- Perry Friedman, Menlo Park, CA — 16
- Gerard McDonald, New York, NY — 17
T5Jun1096.shtml
