The list for January 16, 1997
The Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter
- The melodious clanging Anna Nicole Smith’s breasts make when she walks.
- BATF calls off its siege of your heavily fortified compound when agents run out of hot cocoa.
- Much easier to locate nipples during foreplay.
- Finally, a chance to say, “Yeah, but it’s a dry cold.”
- Natural refrigeration keeps vagrants crisp and fresh until Spring.
- You can chill your malt liquor on the window ledge at work.
- Joy of frostbite makes it easier to rid yourself of those troublesome extremities.
- No newsclips of jogging President for at least 8 more weeks.
- Watching O.J. enviously eye everyone else’s toasty-warm glove-clad hands.
- Flashers stick to describing themselves.
- Spouse temporarily stops using back seat of car for illicite affairs.
- When it’s 10 below, nobody gives a rat’s ass whether Internet Explorer is better than Netscape.
- With multiple layers, people with buns of steel look exactly like people with buns of cinnamon.
- The shivering just makes your Katherine Hepburn impersonation that much better, you old poop!
And the Number 1 Good Thing About a Cold Winter…
- Goodbye, runny nose. Hello, Snotcicles!
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CREDITS
Selected from 94 submissions from 35 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1, 15 (4th #1)
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 2
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 3
- Marshal Perlman, Minneapolis, MN — 4
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 5, 8
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 6
- Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 7
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 8
- JB Leibovitch, Oakland, CA — 8
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 8
- Craig Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 9
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 10
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 10
- Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI — 11
- Tisha Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 11, Topic
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 12
- Debbie Lander, Las Vegas, NV — 13
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 13
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA — 14
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