Findings from Kenneth Starr’s Investigations

The list for July 28, 1997

The Top 15 Findings from Kenneth
Starr’s Investigations

Failure to “perform” in front of congress much more humiliating than failure to perform with Mrs. Starr.
“Abuse of running shorts” is not an indictable offense.
The sangria-induced rantings of Al D’Amato do not make the strongest basis for an investigation.
JFK shot himself.
The most damning piece of evidence is that both Bill and Hillary Clinton previously were *lawyers*.
“We’ve discovered that it is amazingly easy to get money from a Republican Congress to go on an unfounded witch-hunt against their political enemies. Oh, wait, did I say that last part out loud?”
The tubbier they are, the harder they fall.
Hillary’s botched cosmetic surgery should have been a breast enlargement and hip reduction.
There’s no ancient Chinese secret – Its Calgon!
Colonel Mustard, Miss Scarlet, Professor Plum, and Mrs. Peacock all did it in the Lincoln Bedroom with a contribution.
Since the President entered office in 1992, Chelsea’s allowance has tripled.
For the last five years, the Clintons have been living rent-free in a federal building in Washington, D.C.
It’s official: Janet Reno is butt ugly.
Clinton tried to replace Arkansas state police with “Trooperettes.”
In Arkansas, El Caminos are chick magnets.

And the Number 1 Finding from Kenneth Starr’s Investigations…

CREDITS

Selected from 122 submissions from 43 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5072897