Excuses Used for Getting Out of a Speeding Ticket

The list for August 29, 1996

The Top 16 Excuses Used for
Getting Out of a Speeding Ticket

In pain from multiple paper cuts to the wrist and throat.
"Aye, Captain, I have to get the Enterprise washed, gassed up and back to Starfleet Command before they miss ‘er!"
"We’re trying to get the president to Miss Jones’ apartment for his next, um — — cabinet meeting."
Key evidence obtained from illegal search of your mansion.
"According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, I COULDN’T go that fast!"
"Tons of drugs are headed for Woodstock and I wanted to be first in line to make a citizen’s arrest."
"We don’t have speed limits on *my* planet."
Frozen accelerator pedal was magically unfrozen by police radar.
"The Cameroon-Romania game is on in five minutes!"
"Excuse me, officer — are those Bugle Boy jeans you’re wearing?"
"I gotta get to the bakery — it’s time to make the doughnuts!!"
"Eight minutes to Wapner. Eight minutes to Wapner."
"Oops! It seems I’ve dropped my driver’s license on my crotch."
"Bob Barker pulled up beside us, leered at my wife and kept saying, ‘Come on down!’"
"Gimme a break, willya? The Gotti family picnic is starting in 10 minutes."

And the Number 1 Excuse Used for Getting Out of a Speeding Ticket…

"All those vodka tonics make it *mighty* damn difficult to focus on the speedometer."

CREDITS

Selected from 100 submissions by 34 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5082996